


Comfortable

by tsuristyle



Category: SMAP
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-08 02:14:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8826418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsuristyle/pseuds/tsuristyle
Summary: He doesn't want to let his guard down too much, because he'll end up closer than he should.(Written September 2009.)





	

Nakai likes Tsuyoshi. He's self-conscious and he has the tendency to say the most awkward things in conversation, but he's probably the least judgmental of all of them, and that actually means a lot to Nakai. After so many years, talking has become second nature to him, and he enjoys it, certainly, but it's tiring, and it's a long ways from the self he is on his own. With Tsuyoshi, though, there's something about him that makes Nakai feel like he can let his guard down. Maybe it's because Tsuyoshi is almost his opposite, in that way-- Nakai hides himself as much as possible, while Tsuyoshi often reveals his true thoughts and feelings to the audience whether he wants to or not. He's so helplessly open and honest sometimes that it's oddly reassuring.  
  
It's for this reason precisely that Nakai doesn't like to be alone with Tsuyoshi. He doesn't want to let his guard down too much, because he'll end up closer than he should. Like Shingo, sitting a hand's width away, unconsciously looking up when Tsuyoshi gets up. Resting his hand on Tsuyoshi's knee. Shingo can do these things-- it's almost expected of him, now-- but Nakai has built himself as someone who prefers distance. He is the last person anyone would suspect of wanting to be held by someone else.  
  
"Doing okay?" Tsuyoshi raises his eyebrows as he comes into the break room. They've been rehearsing for the newest song, and now Nakai is facedown on the couch, trying to stretch a dull pain out of his back.   
  
He doesn't bother to lift his head. "Yeah." He's almost forty, and he's never been the most flexible person to start with, but this just seems pathetic and ridiculous. He considers getting up and leaving, hopefully escaping with his dignity intact, but then Tsuyoshi is standing over him and rolling up his sleeves.  
  
"Liar." He sits on the edge of the couch and pushes up Nakai's shirt.   
  
Nakai rests his forehead on his arms, fighting between humiliation and relief. "Thanks."  
  
Tsuyoshi starts with his shoulders and works his way down, smoothing out weeks of accumulated tension and magically pulling the ache out of his muscles. Nakai recalls vaguely that his bandmate learned massage techniques for some role or other a while ago, but all he knows is that he already feels a hell of a lot better.  
  
"You know," Tsuyoshi starts as he continues down Nakai's back. "You don't have to hide this sort of thing from us. It's not like we'll make fun of you." He considers for a moment. "Well, Shingo would, but only because he's worried."  
  
Nakai snorts, turning his head to rest his cheek on his arm. "That's exactly why I wouldn't tell him."   
  
Tsuyoshi leans over him, putting weight into his motions. "What, because he'd tease you?"  
  
"Because he'd worry. It's backwards for the youngest to worry about the leader." Nakai reaches for his cigarettes on the table and lights one single-handedly. "And anyway, there's no way I'd go to Goro for help."   
  
He doesn't need to look at Tsuyoshi to know that he's frowning, but it's the truth. He doesn't trust Goro on a fundamental level. "Kimura..." Nakai breathes in, thinking. "I'd be letting him down, somehow. Showing weakness."  
  
Tsuyoshi hums noncommittally. "What about me?"  
  
"You--" Nakai is suddenly aware that Tsuyoshi's hands have worked all the way down to his lower back without him noticing. He's gotten too comfortable, too relaxed, he's just spoken his mind to his bandmate without a second thought. He has the sudden image of Tsuyoshi leaning in closer, and it's terrifying.  
  
He takes a drag from the cigarette. "What _about_ you?"  
  
Tsuyoshi stops, sitting back. "Do you need to hide it from me, too?"  
  
Nakai can't see his face and doesn't want to. "Yeah," he says, and it's not so much a lie as it is only half of the truth. "You'd fuss over me too much. I hate that."  
  
"Oh." After a long moment, Tsuyoshi pulls Nakai's shirt back down. "I won't say anything, then." He plucks the cigarette from Nakai's mouth, standing up, and takes a breath from it. "But if you ever want another massage, just ask." He smiles at Nakai and leaves the cigarette on the edge of the ashtray, still smoking.  
  
When he's sure Tsuyoshi is gone, Nakai sits up and reaches for his cigarette pack again. He fiddles with it, eyeing the ashtray, but after a moment pulls out a new one and lights it.  
  
Too damn comfortable. He reaches over and extinguishes the old one with a swift, sharp movement.


End file.
